kenner.roll

"Hai"

2012-02-08T19:41:00.001-06:00

This means "yes" in Japanese, but whenever I met someone or walked into a restaurant, the first thing I always said was "hi." I'm pretty sure everyone was thinking, "Huh? Did I ask a question? Why does this dumb American keep saying 'yes'?"

Ever since I was a little kid, it had been my dream to go to Tokyo. It started with Nintendo games and reading about the Japanese developers in video game magazines. Then in middle school, I became a rabid anime fan after I watched Tenchi Muyo. In high school, I became obsessed with Japanese cars and the whole import tuning scene. And in college I came to appreciate Japanese food, especially sushi. But in my sophomore year at Loyola, I watched Lost in Translation and I was amazed by its display of Tokyo, the vast skyline and cityscape, the lights and sounds of the metropolis, the lifestyle of its people.

Since we did so much shit in Tokyo, I'll make it simple and write about the trip in lists cuz, you know, I love me some lists.

5 Observations about Life in Tokyo

"Gomennasai" - I heard this a lot; it means "I'm sorry." Japanese people are the most polite and courteous people in the world. People held doors open for others, they dodged cameras while we were taking pictures, and they tried their hardest to be helpful when we had questions. They're so mindful of other people that it's considered taboo to talk on the phone while on the train or subway. There's goddamn signs telling you to put your phone on vibrate too. It's like the polar opposite of New York. And for the most part, they do abide by these social rules, except for New Years Eve. It was pretty loud on the metro that night and some guy was puking into a bag next to us. When I was getting a drink at the Park Hyatt, some guy (I'll call him Shiro) and his girl (I'll call her Yoko) walked by and then Yoko collapsed right next to my seat, drunk as shit. I offered her my seat but she couldn't even move her body in the sitting position. Shiro and the wait staff had to carry her out. Twenty minutes later, Shiro came up to me, said "Gomennesai!" and bowed his head in reverence and shame. When the hell does that ever happen in America?
Talent - There's a TON of hotties in Tokyo. Take a second to look around and there's bound to be a cute chick within line of sight. And these chicks try hard to look good. I'm not just talking about putting on makeup; these girls were wearing short skirts with no stockings over there when it was a windy 30 degrees. I was freezing my ass off with 3 layers of clothing. I wanted to tell each and every one of them that I appreciate their effort and I would pray for their good fortune.
Foreign Beauty - On the other hand, these same hot chicks with cute faces and nice boobs had some other things about them that I didn't like. First of all, most of them had jacked up teeth. I'm talkin Cadillac-grills jacked up. Japanese men must find it cute for a chick to have a snaggle tooth, because if there was a problem with it, I'm sure they all would get braces. Then, a majority of them have knocked knees. I guess it's another thing that's supposed to be cute because all of them turn their knees inward. We would see girls rushing to make it on the subway but they couldn't effectively run because of their fucked up knees. Also, the hot thing out there is bubble jackets. There's 13 million people in Tokyo and about 14 million bubble jackets sold.
Love of the Past - Japanese people absolutely love their history and culture. It's in their ads, anime, game shows - everything. We went during New Years and it's the most important holiday in Japan, rivaling Christmas in America. During New Years, people spend time with their family and pay respect to their ancestors, a far cry from the debauchery found in the US. The biggest Buddhist temple in Tokyo, Senso-ji Temple, was packed with people a couple days before New Years. When we went to Meiji-jingumae, the largest Shinto shrine in the city, we had to wait for thirty minutes in a horde of people waiting to get up to the steps. And to iterate a point made earlier, everyone was calm and orderly in this line. I wish I could say the same about Filipino culture. We just have a history of being dominated by foreigners and corrupt politicians.
Foodie Heaven - I'm not a foodie (I think that term is being thrown around too often by the way), but I made it a point to sample a wide range of Japanese cuisine because food is a vital part of any culture. Let me tell you something: these fuckers eat GOOD. There's such a variety of things to be devoured out there. Here's a list of what I ate: shabu shabu, pork tonkatsu, puffer fish, at least three different types of ramen, tempura, kobe beef skewers, tako yaki, udon soup, yaki udon, yaki soba, cold soba, okonomiyaki, all kinds of izakaya small plates, and of course sushi. Best sushi I've ever had in my life was at Tsukiji Fish Market. For 2000 yen (~$26), I got a chirashi bowl full of sea urchin and tuna, validating the two-hour wait for it.

Top 5 Experiences in Tokyo

Roppongi - This is where we did the majority of our drinking. Roppongi is known as the ex-pat / tourst area of town, so we came here for relatively cheap drinks and bartenders who could speak English. The first night here wasn't anything special, we got drunk but the area was surprisingly dead for a Friday night. We came back here on a mission to get drunk on Wednesday, and we ended up spending about $1000 between three of us. Thursday was our last night in Tokyo so we came back, but this time I found out about a place that sells drinks for 300 yen (~$4). Ball so hard mufuckas can't understand me!
Akihabara - This is my Mecca, my sanctuary, my home. I just felt right in this area. Why? Because Akihabara is the geek district of Tokyo. Retro video games everywhere, anime merchandise in all directions, chicks in cosplay up and down the street... it was almost overwhelming. I had a pretty hardcore nerd moment when I saw a wall full of retro Super Nintendo games. We also went to an anime convention, and completely by accident, we ended up in the hentai section. If you don't know, "hentai" is anime porn. I was so amazed by all these guys buying comic book porn that I told myself, "I must buy one of these." I let Sophia pick the comic, and she chose a hentai comic book depicting the Dragonball Z characters Goku and Trunks tag-teaming Android 18. On the way home, I was seriously concerned that my luggage would get inspected by US customs and they would find it (I hid it inside some jeans lol).
Shibuya Crossing - Right outside Shibuya station is a massive intersection where people coming from six different directions cross the street. I'd estimate about 200 people cross this intersection at every red light (again, nobody jaywalks in Tokyo because it's the law, and it's a good idea). And really, this is what Tokyo is all about: a fuck ton of people in a small area trying to get somewhere in life and going about it as orderly as possible. There's tons of shopping in this area, and we also ate Moss burgers here, where they specialize in burgers topped with marinara sauce.
Harajuku / Meiji-jingumae - Harajuku is another busy shopping area, but because of New Years, the avenue was lined with street vendors. We did a little shopping here, and by chance we found an English pub that had happy hour specials. We got pretty plastered, ate some Tokyo crepes, talked shit up and down the street, one of us kissed a gay guy on the cheek, and then went to karaoke.
Lost in Translation Tour - The driving force behind my obsession with Tokyo is Lost in Translation. I didn't know if I were ever going to visit the city again, so I made it a point to visit as many places in the movie as I could. As soon as I sat down in the shuttle to the hotel, I turned on the Lost in Translation soundtrack. The night we went to karaoke, we hit up the same karaoke spot that they went to in the movie, which is just a couple blocks from Shibuya crossing. I even sang the same songs that Charlotte and Bob did ("More Than This" and "Brass in Pocket"). I also recorded me doing so but that won't ever see the light of the internet. On the last night, I went to the New York Bar at the Park Hyatt, the same bar where Bob and Charlotte frequented in the movie. First thing I noticed was that it's pretty small but the view is amazing. Second thing I noticed was that it's expensive as fuck. On two double whiskeys, I spent $140. But it's ok, because I had dreamed of coming to that bar, sitting in Bob's seat and sipping whiskey while listening to a jazz singer croon about loves lost, for a very long time and in the end I was satisfied.

I do want to come back, spend a couple days in Tokyo again and also take the bullet train around the country. It probably won't be anytime soon though. I still want to go to Brazil or take another trip to Europe. Anyway, here are some pictures from the trip.

Blog of the Living Dead

2011-04-06T18:48:00.000-05:00

So I've been into zombies lately. I mean really into zombies. Not a sick, perverse sexual fetish kind of thing, but obsessed enough that people are asking me what's the deal.

I've always enjoyed zombie media but this obsession really started last November. A new show on AMC had just premiered called The Walking Dead, and I was so engrossed by the series opener that I had to find out more. The Walking Dead was based on a popular comic book of the same name, so naturally I downloaded all 80 issues of the comic series. I sat at my desk for hours and finished the comic in a couple days. I thirsted for more. I watched a ton of zombie movies, played zombie games, and then re-watched some more zombie movies. I couldn't get enough. My bloodlust was insatiable. Three weeks into my zombie obsession and feeling as if I had exhausted my favorite forms of media, I quickly turned to zombie books, and I should point out that I never read books. I went to the local Borders (yeah, thats right. Borders. People complain about Borders closing down but then they read books on their Amazon Kindle or study at Barnes and Noble. GTFO), and I snatched up the zombie masterpieces by Max Brooks called The Zombie Survival Guide, World War Z, and The Zombie Survival Guide: Recorded Attacks (a graphical account of the recorded attacks found in the first book). I read the Zombie Survival Guide in one night, finished Recorded Attacks while in transit during my trip to Europe, but I haven't finished reading World War Z. I was halfway through when I got back from Europe, but then I got sidetracked by a different kind of obsession called World of Warcraft. Anyway, you get the point. I love me some zombies.

So what is it about zombies that fascinate me? Do I get a chubby from skull-gnawing undead? No, I certainly don't, but there is a 2008 film called Deadgirl about two high school kids who find an attractive zombie locked in a basement and turn her into a sex slave. Do I think a zombie apocalypse is on the horizon? I truly don't think so but hey, it helps to be prepared. Personally I think a robot apocalypse is far more likely, and a fully-efficient army of metal stormtroopers are much scarier than shambling sacks of rotting flesh, but that's besides the point. Honestly, it's not the zombies that fascinate me but it's the situation. The zombie apocalypse is what puts in motion the tragic and heroic tale of survival for the scattered remnants of humanity. Zombie stories usually involve people banding together to give themselves the best chance to live another day. The decisions they make are the hardest. Who gets food and who doesn't? Who is our leader? Who is in control of the weapons? Do we settle here or venture into the unknown to find a better place? Will we ever find help? If your family is starving and some asshole is hoarding food and supplies all for himself, do you kill him for it?

These questions are similar to other survival genres, like the aforementioned robot apocalypse and the nuclear holocaust, but the zombie apocalypse is distinctly different for one reason: anyone can become the enemy. In a robot apocalypse, you know who the enemy is; it's the goddamn Matrix or the Cylons or the Terminators. In a nuclear holocaust, you're just trying to find food/shelter while dealing with roaming bands of cannibals, thieves, and rapists. A zombie apocalypse has all that plus the goddamn zombies waiting to eat your tasty human flesh. And if they do then you'll turn into one of them, endangering everyone else around you. That leads to other serious questions. If they bit my arm, do I have the balls to chop it off before the infection spreads? Or the arm of my loved one? Would I have the strength to kill a bitten loved one before he or she turns into a zombie? How far will I go to protect my family from the zombie and human threat? These questions and situations are what fascinate me. In a zombie apocalypse, human values of right and wrong are thrown out of the window and moral ambiguity reigns.

Also, who doesn't enjoy killing zombies? It's right up there with killing Nazi's. I'm gonna try to finish World War Z this week and hopefully move onto Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.

Top 5 Zombie Media
*Nerd note of the day* The other day Skullay told me to count down (5 to 1) instead of up, which makes sense. I've always wanted to but I was too lazy too look up the HTML code for it. I just found out that in HTML 5, you can do reversed ordered lists automatically now, while in previous versions of HTML you had to manually put in the number for a reversed list. Sadly, blogspot isn't HTML 5 compliant yet. */end nerd note*

Shaun of the Dead - I think this movie is one of the better portrayals of what would happen if a zombie outbreak really did occur, while also being funny as hell. From the onset, Shaun has to face some tough decisions, even after the zombie threat is over when he decides how to handle his now undead best friend. Another zombie comedy that I really like is Zombieland, can't wait till the sequel.
Resident Evil games - Feeling fear and suspense while watching a zombie movie is great and all, but it doesn't compare to when you actually have to deal with the zombies yourself. When I first played Resident Evil and that zombie stopped feasting on a buddy to turn to me, I screamed like a bitch and yelled, "OH SHIT I'M GONNA KNIFE YOU ASSHOLE. TAKE THAT." I couldn't even beat Resident Evil 2 because I would get too scared. Nowadays, I'm so used to zombies in games that it's no big thing anymore but I'm still not tired of blowing their heads off with a shotgun.
28 Days Later / 28 Weeks Later - After watching zombies shamble their way to you, taking five minutes to walk ten yards, you get used to it and they become no big deal. One zombie is nothing to worry about. These movies introduced the fast zombie, where one zombie can fuck your whole world up. 28 Weeks Later is the scariest zombie movie I've ever watched by far. Watch the first ten minutes and see what I mean.
The Zombie Survival Guide - After I finished reading this book, I seriously expected a zombie apocalypse to come. I made mental lists of what supplies I needed to stock up, how my current residence would fair in a zombie outbreak, and what weapons would I be able to procure. This book tells you all of the essentials to surviving in a zombie world. If you don't plan on reading this book, I suggest you stick with me if you want to live. By the way, according to the book the best weapon for dealing with zombies is the Shaolin Spade, effective because of its length and its weapons on both sides of the staff. A crowbar is second best.
The Walking Dead - Really, there's no contest. This comic book is one of the best I've ever read. Because he has full creative control over his comic, writer Robert Kirkman has no problem with killing any of his characters. No one is safe from death in this story. He has had major characters eaten by zombies, including children and fan-favorites, and it's this uncertainty that makes the story captivating. And that's how it should be. When the zombies come, all humans are the prey.

"Sortie"

2011-01-20T13:27:00.000-06:00

That means "exit" in French. I was in Paris for four days, and it took me three days to figure it out.

Ever since I got back, people ask me to tell them about my trip to Europe but for some reason, I don't have a lot to say even though there's so much to talk about. So, I figured I'd just make some lists. Can't go wrong with that.

Top 5 Experiences in Europe

Walking Around Paris - Paris is the most beautiful city I have ever been to. Most people would advise against visiting during the colder months, but when I went, the city was decorated with Christmas lights everywhere. When we left the Eiffel Tower, we decided to walk around and get lost. Purely by chance, we found the Arc de Triomphe. From there, we walked down the Champs-Elysees, admiring the lighted trees lining the avenue. Whenever we walked around for awhile, we always sat outside a cafe, ordered espressos, and people-watched. Despite the overwhelming energy and hustle of Paris, people find time to sit down at a cafe and just relax. Sitting outside a Parisian cafe truly is one of the most relieving, most relaxing things you can do in life.
Top of the Eiffel Tower - I usually don't care for tourist attractions. I find them very boring and overrated. But really, how could I go to Paris and not see the Eiffel Tower? After waiting in line for thirty minutes in sub-freezing temperatures, we finally made it to the top of the tower. Despite the biting cold winds and loud tourists around me, it was easy to zone everything out and enjoy the most amazing view I've ever seen. The city's beautiful architecture, the shadow of the tower looming over the city, the Seine River beneath us, all within our bird's eye view.
The Louvre - When I went through school and learned about European history and art, I didn't give two shits about it. Mona Lisa, Venus di Milo, blah blah blah. I had heard about these things all throughout my life, and then finally seeing them in person leaves you speechless. And those weren't even my favorite artworks. Definitely the wall-size paintings of the Renaissance were sights to behold. You can stare at a painting like the The Wedding at Cana for hours and appreciate the intricacies of it all and how they give the scene such life. I took tons of videos in the Louvre and one day I'll upload it all on youtube.
Picadilly Circus/Oxford Circus - We rode a double-decker bus (The Smiths - There is a Light That Never Goes Out was on repeat in my head during this time) to this area and as we turned a corner, you're greeted by a sea of people. Locals and tourists from all over the world flock to this area of London for shopping. Truly one of the busiest parts of any city I've ever been to, I can only imagine Shibuya in Tokyo being busier. On top of that, it was the Saturday before Christmas so everybody was shopping for presents. Also, this is where I saw the most hotties in all of Europe. Surprisingly, Paris didn't have that many hotties. I thought the chicks in London would all have messed up grills, but mostly everyone was very posh and fashionable.
Football Match in Bern - I've always wanted to see a soccer match. Watching one in the States would not suffice. I had to watch one in a foreign country because that's where you can find the true die-hards. Even though it wasn't a top league match, these people are as serious about their team as I am about the Saints. They chant all game long, waving flags and jeering at referees. They could fit nicely in the Superdome. On top of that, the colors of the team we were rooting for was black and gold.

Top 5 Worst Experiences

Cold Feet - I knew it was going to be cold. I thought I had mentally prepared myself for it. But man, I have never been so cold in my life until my first day in Paris. Temperatures were below 20F. We walked probably for hours and my feet were destroyed. Then in London, we were walking around at night and what looked to be solid pavement was actually a fuckin huge puddle. My shoes were soaked all night.
Ordering Food in French/German - I really should have researched some common French phrases and words because trying to order anything in Paris was ridiculous. Most of the time, if I recognized a word because it was similar to English, I'd just point at it and order it. I don't ever try to pronounce foreign words. Shit, even when I order Vietnamese food here in New Orleans, I just say the item number. I don't want to butcher anybody's language. A friend of mine worked at Pho Tau Bay for awhile, and when white people would try to pronounce Viet words on the menu, she wouldn't have any clue what they're talking about. I don't want to be that guy.
Snow Sucks - Yeah it's pretty and shit. Waking up to a winter wonderland is great. Then you realize you have to walk around all day in that shit. It's cool in the morning when not a lot of people have walked all over it. Then the snow turns to slush or freezes, and you have to be like a goddamn cat traipsing about. When I was in London, the worst blizzard in recent history dumped inches and inches of snow. Tube stations were closed here and there, which led to us walking even more.
Exchanging Currency - When I exchanged money in Asia, I always felt like a baller. 1 US dollar equals 44 Philippine Pesos, or 7 Hong Kong dollars. Getting a bigger number in exchange always feels great, like you accomplished something. I also feel like I'm better than everyone else because I probably have more money. This was not the case in Europe. 1 Euro equals 1.3 dollars. 1 British Pound equals 1.6 dollars. I felt like a peasant when I got my money back, or like I had just gotten robbed. In London I ordered a round of 5 drinks; that shit was $60. Every single meal was at least $30, whether it was breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Our last dinner in Paris was about $150. At least I didn't have to tip.
Fish and Chips - I knew it was gonna suck, I really did. But it's just one of those things you have to do, like eating sushi in Tokyo or getting tapas in Barcelona. Fish-and-Chips and London are synonymous. What I didn't know was how much it was gonna suck. We ate at one of the original Fish and Chips restaurants, established in the mid-1800s. You would think that after a century and a half of business, they would be able to make it actually taste good. The fish was bland and flavorless, the chips are just big french fries, and the dipping sauce (mayonnaise and vinegar) is unimaginative. I'll take a catfish platter from Danny and Clyde's gas stations over that garbage any day.

Top 5 Dishes I Ate in Europe

Horse Steak at Rolli's Steakhouse, Zurich - MY GOD, this was one of the best steaks I have ever eaten. Leading up to the trip, the #1 thing I wanted to do was eat a horse steak and it did not disappoint. The plate had three side sauces to dip the steak in, but really it was so flavorful and tender that you didn't need any extras. I seriously wanted to order another one after I finished it. When I've told people that I ate a horse steak, they call me a monster. Whatever man, I'd eat a dog or a cat too if it were available. Just because a horse or a dog have emotional value to some people doesn't mean that they're off limits from eating. We eat tuna sushi all the time, and now the tuna population in the world is dangerously low, same with salmon. Scientists are trying to genetically engineer salmon to be bigger and to grow faster. I feel worse about eating baked salmon than I do about eating a horse steak.
Roast Beef Patty with Mash Potatoes and Apple Pie at Le Jeu de Quilles, Paris - I told Stephanie that I wanted to eat at places that Anthony Bourdain did on his show. We were supposed to try at least four of the restaurants, but I planned it poorly and we only ate at this one lol. This place is small, probably seating twenty people at most. Their menu is very small; the roast beef patty was one of the three entrees available but you couldn't go wrong. Everything was amazing. Who would think to put in an apple pie with your main course? Geniuses, that's who. Respect.
Beef Tartare in Bern - Can't remember the name of the place lol. Wasn't really a meal, just an appetizer. They topped the beef tartare with a shot of cognac, and when I bit into it, I immediately perked up. Which is a good thing because I was severely jet lagged. I was eating with a group of 8 and I really wanted to eat more. Don't you hate that? You desperately want more of an appetizer, but you try to be polite and restrain yourself from snatching the plate and eating it by yourself in a corner. Yeah, I was at that point.
English Breakfast in London - I can't remember the name of this place either. Anyway, this was one of the best breakfasts I've ever had. The plate was a couple pieces of toast, sunny-side up eggs, sausage, ham, mushrooms, half of a tomato, and red beans. If you know me pretty well, you know that I absolutely fucking hate beans, especially red beans. Well, there wasn't a bean left on my plate when I was done. English people know their shit when it comes to breakfast. Breakfast and beer.
Hot Pot in Zurich - After eating all of this European food, it was nice to spend my last day eating family-style hot pot with a bunch of Stephanie and Anthony's friends. We all talked and drank soju and Heineken, eventually getting drunk. Very fun and low key way to end the trip.

Top 5 Bar/Alcohol Experiences

The Winchester in London - I think it was called the Winchester. Or maybe that's the name of the bar in Shaun of the Dead (I'm gonna make a zombie blog entry soon too). Located down the block from Greg's place (our friend that let us stay over), this was one of the coolest bars I've ever been to. The placed looked similar to One-Eyed Jack's in the French Quarter, but with hot bartenders and extortionist prices. What set the place apart is the music, mostly 1960's pop rock and swing music. The bar was full of hipsters and everyone was dancing. If I ever opened up a bar, it would be just like this one.
Some Neighborhood Bar in Paris - I mentioned earlier that we got drunk with some locals, but that's far from the whole story. When we decided to stop in, we planned to have maybe a few drinks and call it a night. But Stephanie being who she is, got a little tipsy and then started being friendly with everyone. Soon, we were drinking with this Japanese lady and her boyfriend, and the owner was pouring us shots of his homemade flavored liquors. The flavors were different fruit, about 8 of them and we tried all 8 and then some. By closing time, he was urging us to stay and even offered me to smoke inside his bar, which is illegal. Yeah, we got pretty fucked up. Standing outside our hotel, we smoked and joked around. A young gay dude noticed we were drunk and was like, "There's nothing better than being drunk in Paris!" Yeah, I guess he's right.
Another Random Drunken Night in Paris - For our first night in Paris, we made a trip to a jazz club but unfortunately, they were charging $60 for entry. We said fuck that, and walked down the street, which was lined with bars. We sat outside one bar that was playing American pop music. After an hour, I went inside to go to the bathroom and noticed tons of dudes all over each other. When we realized we were at a gay bar, we promptly exited and went to a pretty cool Jamaican bar. As we were talking, a chick from New Zealand noticed we were speaking English and struck up a conversation. Her boyfriend from Chicago joined in, and soon we were taking shot after shot with them. We were getting really fucked up, so we decided to find a place to eat. The guy knew his way around Paris and took us to some late night restaurant, ordered foie gras, escargot, bunch of cheeses, and a bottle of Dom Perignon. The chick was flirting with some French guys near us and this pissed off the Chicago guy. I was drunk and bucking his head up to knock the French guy out, but we decided to leave before shit got messy lol.
Drunk off Soju in Zurich - Getting drunk off soju with a bunch of friends at an apartment usually isn't that special. But an occasion not being special doesn't mean that it's not fun. The party consisted of me, Steph and Anthony, a Viet guy and his Chinese wife, a Korean guy and his Chinese wife, plus the wife's sister. It all started pretty innocently, just a bunch of friends getting together for some hot pot. Then the Korean guy busted out four bottles of soju, which were like a liter each. Only five of us drank the soju, toasting each time and by then I had grown accustomed to making eye contact with each person (a custom I'm trying to start here myself. It only makes sense; you toast the person, not the glass so stop staring at your drink when you say cheers lol). After awhile, the wife's sister was looking better and better, and I felt like I should try to hit on her because we were the odd ones not in a couple haha. I like to think that she was interested but honestly I was really drunk and I was thinking a lot of things. We played this simple drinking game, and because she doesn't drink, I offered to drink for her while she played against Stephanie. Yeah, not a good idea. We finished all of the soju. I can't believe I woke up in time for my flight.
The Lady Bird in London - Some random club in London we went to. It wasn't big, maybe half the size of Philips in uptown. We went with a bunch of Greg's coworkers from Deloitte, fellow Americans working overseas. I honestly didn't like the place much, but I had to tell a story from it. While smoking outside, a random, scruffy local asked us (in an British accent), "Are you guys American?" And I replied, "Yeah, we are." "Oh, that's tops, mate. Are you guys gangsters?" "Yeah, only part-time gangsters though." Me and Greg looked at each other with the are-you-fuckin-serious look. Brit guy: "Yeah, we're gangsters too. We try to find time at the studio to record some songs, but we have to stop sometimes to fight some other gangsters." This is all in a British accent, and I don't ever see British people being menacing like some dude straight from Magnolia Projects, so I'm trying not to laugh. "Do you know how to shoot a shotgun? An assault rifle?" "Yeah man, I grew up shooting guns. You know us Americans, trucks and guns." I've never shot a gun in my life. "Cheers, mate, good shit." He might have been fuckin with us, but I doubt it.

Where to next? Hopefully I can go to Tokyo and Vietnam this summer. I'm definitely not taking any days off for awhile. If I go back to Europe, I'll definitely be going to Barcelona, Rome, and an Eastern European city like Prague or Vienna.

I just crush a lot

2010-10-13T01:11:00.000-05:00

.

Right off the bat, I'm gonna admit that I'm a bit drunk right now. I just got back home from a delicious dinner at Andrew and Sophia's place, and we killed a couple bottles of this really good cabernet. In my present state of intoxication, I looked up on youtube "Like a G6" and I have to admit that right now, I really have a thing for the chick that sings the chorus. Yeah, the chick with the big boobs and pretty face is hot, but the one that has my attention is the beauty who exudes confidence and bounces to the beat as she tells me that she likes to pop bottles in the ice like a blizzard. I've looked up what Dev (the chorus singer) looks like outside of the video, and she looks just alright. But with those sunglasses and smile, she looks incredibly sexy.

Girls think they need to get a boob job and shit to feel pretty, but honestly, yeah that shit helps but confidence is the ultimate turn-on. If a girl can flash a million-dollar smile and hold a sexy posture, then that's a done deal for me. Unless you got in a horrific accident or something, whatever God gave you is enough. Got nice legs? Wear that short skirt! Big booty? Get in them tight jeans! Enticing neck? Wear your hair up! But the #1 physical feature of a girl is a pretty face. Alluring eyes and a defined jawline are winners for me.

Top 5 Current Celebrity Crushes
Of course, Dev is one of them, but I'm pining for a few others.

Felicia Day - Who the hell is Felicia Day? She's every nerd's fantasy lol. Felicia is famous for her web series "The Guild," which is about dorky stuff (she has a music video called "Do You Wanna Date My Avatar"). In case you didn't know, I'm a pretty big nerd so yeah, I likes.
Zooey Deschanel - When I saw her in The Happening, I thought to myself, "Whoa, this girl is like a doll, but she seems kinda stupid and this movie is utter crap." I didn't pay her much mind. Then, (500) Days of Summer completely owned my life, and I fell in love with her. Zooey is automatic girlfriend material for her video "In The Sun"
Kristen Stewart - I've taken a lot of shit from my friends about her. On the surface, she's not all that. I don't really know what it is about her, but I'm smitten whenever I see her on TV. She's a terrible actress in the Twilight movies. Yet, her angsty teen vibe captures me lol. On top of that, she was so fuckin hot as Joan Jett in The Runaways. I love rocker chicks.
Olivia Munn - I had too many pastey white chicks so far, so here's a nice half white/half Asian chick. As you know, I'm a nerd and Olivia is the co-host of the nerdiest show on television "Attack of the Show." She's just naturally hot, and she knows that. But the confidence she struts on the show puts her over the edge.
Anna Torv - She plays as Olivia Dunham on "Fringe", another great sci-fi TV show. I don't feel like explaining because I want to go to sleep. Later

5 Years Ago

2010-08-29T17:39:00.000-05:00

"This one looks pretty bad. Are you gonna evacuate?" a friend asks me as we order drinks at 360. "Yeah, I guess I will." I reply. "Every year there's a hurricane, and every year, nothing happens. I'll just drive up to Baton Rouge, get drunk for a few days, then come back like nothing happened."

Three days later, we find ourselves huddled around a battery-operated portable television. The power is out and debris is strewn about the streets and parking lots of Baton Rouge. Ten of us are crammed in a two-bedroom apartment in the Tiger Land area near LSU. Every few minutes, a different report of a destroyed area is shown on TV, each invoking a desperate response from all of us. Our friends from Biloxi had it the worst. "Oh my God, that's right by my house! There's nothing left!" Tin cried out. "My mom didn't evacuate and I can't get in touch with her!" While text messaging worked, it was impossible to make a phone call at the time. Then finally, shots of flooding in Kenner is shown. The water is so high that it almost reaches the roof of The Sam's Club by my house. Fear and feelings of helplessness strike my heart. "What just happened? Is this the end of my city? Will my life ever be the same again?" I agonize to myself.

For two weeks, all we did was watch the news, drink out of pure boredom, and wash clothes. Most of us had brought only three or four days worth of clothes. With so many people in one apartment, it would get unbearably hot. Yet, our trials were absolutely nothing compared to the new evacuees we welcomed to the apartment at the end of the week. Cruz's dad was a doctor at a hospital in New Orleans East, and after a week of hell, he and a patient with his family were finally able to evacuate. When they arrived, the wife broke down in tears, incredibly grateful and relieved to finally be somewhere safe, yet their two little girls were laughing and playing as if nothing happened. They had not showered in a week and smelled really bad. After they settled in, we asked them what happened and they told us a story that I'll never forget.

"The hospital had flooded and it was completely unsanitary. The water was about waist-high and was not receding, it was incredibly hot, and all the while, doctors and nurses are trying to keep people alive. None of us were able to take a shower. Sleep was a luxury. People were dying everywhere. Then the looters came. Police were guarding the entrance of the hospital when looters came and started firing at them. Cars were set on fire, gun fire was ringing out, and everybody was scared. We were so scared for our two little girls. Finally, an evacuation helicopter took us to the airport, where we took another helicopter to Baton Rouge."

On Saturday, we heard that people from Jefferson Parish could return to their homes; so on Sunday morning, Jason, Cecilia, and I drove home very early in the morning. We waited in line for a few hours at the checkpoint on Airline Drive in Destrehan, and finally made our way into Kenner. Signs of destruction were immediately present. I distinctly remember one of the first things we saw was a Wendy's that had its sign completely blown off with Army vehicles stationed in its parking lot. The first place we visited was Cecilia's house and we were unprepared for the shock of it all. As we opened the door, the smell - the smell of mold that I'll forever relate to Katrina - pervades the air. Her carpet is saturated in water, furniture was out of place, and you could clearly make out the water line on her walls. She begins to cry and I try my best to comfort her, but with such destruction and despair surrounding us, it's hard to be strong for someone else. She grabs whatever clothes she can, and we head over to my house. As we pull up to my house, I can't believe what I'm seeing. The entire neighborhood is barren. The trees, bushes, and grass are all dead and brown. The car port connected to my house collapsed. The inside of my house is much the same as Cecilia's; the water line, the ruin, and the smell. I find my cats still alive, hiding upstairs, and I'm so overcome with joy that tears trickle down my face. My car had taken in water too, but it still worked, though it smelled rancid. I grabbed my computer and a suitcase full of clothes, and drove my car back up to Baton Rouge.

My family decided that I needed to continue going to school; so Friday morning, I was taking a flight out of Houston to Richmond where I would live with my sister for a semester. My dad, brother, and I drove to Houston, had a tearful good-bye, and I made my way to my boarding gate. As I sat at the gate, waiting for my flight, I reflected on the past two weeks. I thought about my mom, who had to stay at the hospital where she worked, and how she cried when we said good-bye, and I wished I had given her a bigger hug. I thought about my friends that I was leaving, with whom I spent the past two weeks experiencing this whole ordeal. I thought about my city, New Orleans, as it laid in waste and tears, questioning if it would ever come back. I looked at the people sitting around me, wondering if any of them were going through the same troubles, but in the end, I felt incredibly alone. I knew that these people were boarding this flight for business or pleasure, not out of necessity.

As I exit the terminal in Richmond's airport, I find my sister waiting for me. She's smiling and we joke with each other, but deep down we wish that we had been reunited under different circumstances. We go to Virginia Commonwealth University so that I can register for classes, and they were very welcoming, letting me register for whatever classes I wanted. We grab some dinner at my sister's favorite sushi spot, then head home to her apartment in The Fan of Richmond, a very uptown-like area. My stay at Richmond was very uneventful, but I'm glad I lived there. I seldom went to class, played a lot of video games, and worked a lot at Brio, an Italian restaurant that's very similar to Bravo. Because of my Katrina status, I was given a lot of attention at school. In my Homeland Security class, my professor asked me to give a speech on my experience, and I told a story that was comical and not too serious, but still touched on the chaos of it all. Also, the local news interviewed me too, and after my story aired on TV, random people would come up to me all the time and talk to me about Katrina.

The other day, a friend asked me if I would ever leave New Orleans, and I said that I honestly cannot see myself living anywhere else. I love this city too much.

My Top 5 Good Katrina Moments
Amidst all of the drama, there were still some good laughs to be had.

Bored Drinking. With no school and no job, we literally had nothing productive to do in the week after Katrina. So, we did as college student would do and played drinking games. One time, we got completely trashed at like 1pm after several hours of playing Tien Len. People were tense, and drinking was a very needed way of unwinding.
Irrational Rationing. The day before Katrina, we realized that this hurricane was the real deal. Chinese Stephen and I collected whatever cash people had on them, and we stocked up on food and water that we could afford. Except all of the water was sold out, so we stocked up on Hawaiian Punch. We bought at least three days worth of chicken, and the afternoon after Katrina, I cooked it all on a BBQ pit, thinking we could ration it all over the week. Well, it was all gone within an hour lol.
Skullay's Bullshit. When I was in Virginia, I got a call in the middle of the night from Quoc. "Richard, you won't believe this, but he's gone... Skullay's gone, man," he moaned, crying on the phone. "Whoa, what do you mean he's gone???" "He's dead, man, he's dead." I was completely shocked. As soon as I got off the phone, I started looking for flights back home, and while doing so, I get a call from Thai. He's laughing and says, "HAHAHA GOT YOU BITCH! SKULLAY'S NOT DEAD!" I wasn't amused.
Birthdays Still Had To Be Celebrated. Unfortunately for Stephanie, her birthday is on September 3rd, which is a mere five days after Katrina. So, we got all of our friends in BR and had a party, drinking like it were any other weekend night at LSU. It was nice to forget about the storm for a night and just have fun with friends.
One Fine Day. The day before I left for Virginia, I spent the whole day with this girl I liked a lot. I had always had a thing for her since I met her, and things looked like they were finally coming around. We rode around in my car, but it stunk to high heaven because it had gotten flooded. She was a good sport about it, and we still had a good time.

You know what I look to do?

2010-08-20T02:09:00.000-05:00

I like to DRINK. Yeah, that's right. DRINK. Not the lower-case variety, that's for wine tastings and fancy dinners. I'm talking about the type of drinking that makes whiskey taste like water. The type that makes people volunteer to take double-shots of hard liquor. Or drinking so much that people are verified to still be alive because they posted on facebook "wtf happened last night lol." I cherish those nights. I live and breath for those kinds of nights. I think this urge to go balls to the wall drunk crazy stems from my completely dull job. I sit in my office from 8:30am to 5pm, insanely bored, while my office neighbor periodically stops by to talk to me about his problems with work (I DON'T GIVE A FUCK DUDE, LEAVE ME BE.) I try not to drink during the week because I need to keep doing just enough so that I don't get fired. So, by lunch time on Friday, I'm raring to get some drinks in me.

Luckily, I've had DRUNK nights for three weekends in a row. First weekend was for a friend's birthday that started at Bridge Lounge with shots and ended at Gold Mine with Flaming Dr. Peppers. I seriously love Gold Mine. I hate clubbin and its pretentiousness, but I love me some Gold Mine. Second weekend was the bat-shit insane karaoke party for Skullay's birthday. I truly believe that all 20+ people at this party were drunk, even the ones that don't drink. There must've been enough alcohol vapor in the air to make a man drunk just from breathing it. They told us that we broke a record that night and spent the most ever (over $800). Then for the third weekend, I went to a pool party with no intentions of getting drunk at all. Hell, I didn't even think I would be swimming because at every pool party I've ever been to, only a bunch of dudes jumped in the pool while all the girls ate and chit-chatted. But sure enough, Mr. Hennessy made its way to the party and had to be consumed, all three liters. That's the best kind of drunk, the "impromptu" drunk. You don't expect it, but it kinda just happens like that and all of a sudden, everybody looks better.

I feel like I should slow down, but then I think about it and I ask myself "Why not?" This probably sounds very cliché, but I need to keep having these dumb, fun nights while I'm still young. I'm freaking 26 years old. After 4 years and 4 more Saints Super Bowls, I'll be goddamn 30. I look at my office mates, and I see how relatively boring their lives are. They all have kids and families, take weekend family vacations, and go to soccer practice. Not that anything is wrong with that of course, but I think it's safe to say that my life outside of the office is drastically different from theirs. Summer said it best, "We're young, we live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world. Might as well have fun while we can, and leave the serious stuff for later." (Yes, I've watched 500 Days of Summer enough to be able to quote her from the top of my head.) So, what's going on this weekend?

Top 5 Drunken Milestones
I've gotten drunk many a time, my friend, but there's certain times of inebriation that stand out, good and bad.

My First Time with Ms. Everclear: Ah, Everclear, you wily witch. You look so innocent with your clearness and stuff. I was a young buck of age 17 the first time I ever took a shot of Everclear. I was at an Asian party at Southport Hall, and early in the night I noticed a friend kneeling on the floor, doubled-over. I asked others, "What's wrong with him?" Another said "He took a shot. I'm gonna get you one too." "Ok!" I didn't throw up or anything, but I was pretty drunk after that one shot. For the next 2 years, all I would do at Escapades is take out my $3, order one shot of Everclear, and I was good to go lol.

Chopped: In the summer after my senior year in high school, a couple friends had an apartment that was pretty much used solely for partying. Playing Tien Len (or 13, Pig, Heo, whatever you may call it) was a staple activity, and everytime we played, it was for drinks of Heineken. Well for some reason, the people I was playing against decided to cheat me and I ended up losing 10 times in a row. 10 Heinekens is A LOT. I got so drunk that while they were clowning me that I threw off my shirt in a drunken rage and taunted "NIGGA WHAT?!" They stopped, looked at each other in bewilderment, and then proceeded to gang tackle me and rip off my clothes. I was left with just my boxers. People saw my junk. People took a picture of my junk. People took that picture of my junk and taped it to the apartment's entrance wall. Yeah...

20th Birthday: This is, without a doubt, the worst I've ever gotten. I think about it now and I really should've gone to the hospital. I started out the night at a friend's apartment, taking shots of 151. Then I get to the 360 and I take some more. An hour into the night, I took about 10 or so shots of 151, and that is serious business. I was puking my fuckin brains out. Thankfully I had an awesome girlfriend at the time and good friends that took care of me. It was really bad. They tried to feed me bread and water because I was dry-heaving. After that, everytime I get drunk, I always make sure I have the presence of mind not to get that drunk.

The Month: Back when I roomed with two other dudes, we lived within a couple minutes of the uptown bar St. Joe's. For some reason, we made it our bar and we would go there on weekends. Then it progressed into week nights. This spiraled out of control and we drank there seriously every night for an entire month. We didn't get drunk every night, but we were drunk more often than not. People wonder how I got my tolerance so high, and this had a lot to do with it.

Showing Fobs How We Do: When I went to the Philippines and Hong Kong in the Summer of 2008, that was the first time I ever get drunk overseas. While jet lagged at our beach resort in the Philippines, me and five other friends would wake up at 5 or 6am, and start drinking. Then we drank all of the tequila at the resort bar. Then we ordered bottles of Hennessy at the club like a bunch of ballers, but it was only $40 which is like a billion dollars in the Philippines. Fobs in Hong Kong gazed in awe as we killed bottle after bottle at the club. This must sound like gloating and very asshole-like, but it really did feel empowering to drink so much and still be able to afford it lol. Must go back to Asia.

There's definitely other notable times, but that's for drunken stoytelling.

You All Everybody!

2010-05-25T08:37:00.000-05:00

As I wiped my eyes while Jack closed his, I thought about the incredible journey of LOST. I started watching LOST in late 2006, before it was available on abc.com or hulu. I had always heard that LOST was a phenomenal show, and on one random night, I watched it on a Chinese bootleg streaming site (complete with Chinese subtitles). That night I became completely absorbed in the show, and before I knew it, I was watching Charlie end Ethan's life as the sun beamed through my windows. That moment was definitely a highlight of the show, one of many. Remembering that made me think of all the other good and bad times of the show; so here's a list of what stands out about LOST for me. *Huge Spoilers Ahead*

Best Episode: Walkabout
I liken LOST to cigarette addiction. LOST isn't something that hooks you immediately, just as you won't be craving for cigarettes after your first few smokes. I thought the first couple episodes of LOST were entertaining, but then I watched the third episode Walkabout merely because I was bored. Soon, you learn John Locke was in a wheelchair, the nicotine kicks in, and then all you can think about is your next fix.
Runner-up: Through the Looking Glass
One word consisting of two words joined together by a hyphen: Flash-forward.

Worst Episode: Stranger in a Strange Land
Wtf were they thinking? Seriously? Dirty girl Bai Ling? Expose wasn't even this bad.
Runner-up: Expose
I don't know where the fuck Nikki and Paulo came from, but they didn't deserve to be on the show. This episode isn't the worst solely because it killed those two bitches.

Hottest Chick: Claire Littleton
Ah, Claire. Biological mother of Aaron. Half-sister of Jack. Former emo/goth chick turned bubbly/optimistic blonde turned unhygienic/deranged lunatic. I'd totally bang you no matter how you looked.
Runner-up: Sun
She seems all innocent, but she's got a dirty side to her. That's cool with me.

Biggest Mystery Still Unexplained: The Dharma Food Supply Drops
I can live without knowing how Jack woke up in the middle of the bamboo forest instead of with the rest of the castaways. I can live without knowing who Juliet shot on the outrigger when they were skipping through time. Yet, I'm really PISSED that they didn't address the Dharma Food drops. I could maybe throw out some pretty believable theories about those other two, but I mean come on, a fuckin Dharma crate full of food randomly drops down even when there's no more Dharma Initiative? I WANT ANSWERS DAMNIT.
Runner-up: Walt
I understand that they didn't bring him back because the actor had gotten too old for the role. Yet, his mystery was one of the biggest of the first two seasons. I mean, he had The Shining! I hope they add some expanded canon stuff to read.

Best Fight Scene: 70's Jack vs. Sawyer
Stomachs were punched, heads were bashed, balls kicked. The Kate-bangers had it out, beating the shit out of each other. Sawyer had a line that I'll always remember, yelling "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? I HAD A LIFE HERE!" just after he sucker-punched Jack. This was a fight that was a long time coming.
Runner-up: Jack vs. the Man in Black
Earlier in the episode, Jack and MiB met up in the middle of a field to do some shit talking. Like two boxers meeting pre-fight at the weigh-in, they stand and face each other. Jack is all like, "I''m gonna kill you, bitch." MiB isn't happy. Then, with the Island apocalypse throwing random rocks and boulders everywhere, Jack screams "LOCKE!!!" as they rush at each other. Neo vs. Agent Smith. Luke vs. Darth Vader. Goku vs. Vegeta.

Black Guy that Had it the Worst: Michael
I don't know what the LOST producers had against black guys. Every single one of them got screwed. Mr. Eko was the most bad-ass of them all, and he got annihilated by Smokey. Matthew Abaddon could have been pretty cool, but he died way too soon. But Michael got screwed the worst. The dude finds a random watch on the beach then gets his ass kicked by Jin. He builds, not one, but two rafts for rescue and both get destroyed. Racked with the guilt of killing two people to save his son (who doesn't even talk to him anymore), he continually tries to kill himself, only to go through incredible amounts of pain instead. He might be the black sheep of the castaways, but personally I felt bad for him.
Runner-up: Walt
He's not on the show anymore because he got older? Really??? At least give him an appropriate send-off and give him a tragic death. Whatever.

Best Actor/Actress: Terry O'Quinn
For 5 years, we've known this man as John Locke. Yet in Season 6, I never once thought of him as John Locke. He was evil incarnate. He didn't show any of Locke's mannerisms or even speech pattern. He had the cold, calculating stare, and in an instant, he could flip a switch and go Terminator mode on some unsuspecting Widmore goons. Then in the same episode, Locke will show up in a flash sideways and I wouldn't think twice about it.
Runner-up: Daniel Dae Kim
In purely acting terms, he is probably just average. But, he gets respect from me because he had to put up with acting in broken Engrish for so long. Daniel got arrested for drunk driving once, and I don't blame him. I'd be drunk 24/7 if I had to do that too.

Most Unbelievable Love Story: Daniel and Charlotte
So, this guy is on a boat with this chick for like a couple weeks and he's smitten by her. Then they land on the island, are separated for a few days, meet up and turn off a Dharma station, and then await rescue (totaling about 2 weeks of island time). Amidst all this, he falls in love with her? Yeah I mean she could definitely get it, but she's not that hot.
Runner-up: Sayid and Shannon
I'm totally fine with their Season 1 and 2 romance. I thought it was good and fitting for the overall theme of coming together that was prevalent in Season 1. But we all know that Sayid's one true love is Nadia. Gaining awareness by touching Shannon in the finale was pretty lame.

Main Character I Didn't Care For Much: Kate
I honestly didn't care that much for Kate. Her story of being a fugitive was tiresome and boring. Then on the Island, I honestly can't think of a single time where she did something amazing. Probably the greatest thing she ever did was stitch up Jack's wound. That's not a good thing when you peak in the first episode.
Runner-up: Juliet
First, let me say that Juliet really grew on me in season 5 and I did care about how her story went. But her flashbacks were always crap. The Other Woman is probably in the top 5 worst episodes.

Character that Didn't Get Enough Screen Time: Frogurt
I would have loved to see the verbal banter between him and Hurley, or Sawyer, or even Miles. Too bad he got a flaming arrow in the back.
Runner-up: Claire
See "The Hottest Chick."

Well that's it for now. I have so many more ideas but I don't want to look like a complete LOST loser (or is it too late? Don't judge me). As for the finale, I loved it. I thought it was fitting, nostalgic, and ultimately redemptive. However I seem to be in the minority, judging by what I've seen on facebook lol.

Just Off St. Charles

2010-05-08T04:40:00.000-05:00

For the past couple weeks, I've been checking Craigslist everyday for a new apartment. My current one, while nice, is a major money sink. Besides the fact that it's $850 every month, the utilities bill is ridiculous. It has really bad insulation, so it always gets really hot or cold (highs in the 90's, lows in the 50's). Add to the fact that it has 12-foot ceilings and it takes awhile to normalize a room, the utilities bill is usually around $200 (one time, it was $300). But that's to be expected living in uptown New Orleans . Most of these apartments are sectioned-off mansions from the Jurassic period and don't have the energy savings of more modern structures. Finding a good apartment in the uptown area is draining. The good apartments are just as expensive or more so than my current one, so there's no point in moving to those. Plus you gotta find one in a good neighborhood, which is a whole other headache.

On the other hand, there's plenty of fine apartments elsewhere... in Jefferson Parish.

Ugh. I don't like Metairie, Harahan, and Elmwood. I especially don't like the entire Westbank. I love Kenner, but if I lived there, then I would just live with my parents. Yet, in all of these places, quality apartments can be had for lower rent than those found in uptown. These apartments are gated with ample square-footage, excellent amenities like washer/dryer, and on-site staff. Plus, I work in Metairie so I'd be able to spend more time at home and such. "Wow, that sounds like a no-brainer, Richard," you say. "Just move to Metairie, you fuckin idiot. What's the holdup?" Metairie is missing one key component, and it's the allure.

Uptown's allure. I love uptown. The tree-lined St. Charles, the coffee shops on Magazine, the bars strewn about. These are the reasons why I put up with high energy bills and overpriced apartments. One of my favorite things to do is cruise down St. Charles on a sunny day, the scattered shadows of trees rolling off my car as I pass by. Or enjoy the company of my closest friends as we sit outside Bridge Lounge, sipping on whiskey and cracking jokes. I sure as shit can't do that in Metairie.

With the Saints winning the Super Bowl and Treme being the most accurate depiction of New Orleans I've seen on screen, I've been infused with a new respect and love for my city. In all honesty, there's nothing wrong with Metairie or any other parts of the greater New Orleans area, just as there's nothing wrong with cities like Houston or Atlanta. They're all great places to live, start a family, etc. Yet, the difference between them and Uptown (and New Orleans in general) is that these towns and cities are products of suburban expansion and corporate influence. They all don't have a unique identity, or they lost whatever identity they had. I know I'm being presumptuous, but I can imagine living in Atlanta is pretty much the same experience as living in Houston. Or Dallas, or Austin, or whatever city in the United States you want to name. Maybe not all cities, but you get my point. New Orleans is unique, a city that "lives in the imagination of the world". Here's an example of what I'm talking about: For Mother's Day, where do you imagine families in Metairie eating on Sunday? Olive Garden, PF Chang's, Zea's. How about families in New Orleans? American Sector, Cochon, or any number of locally owned restaurants on Magazine, St. Charles, and Carrollton. People of New Orleans don't care for the outsiders. We buy from the locals, hold onto our football team, and keep building when they say it's a waste. They called it fuckin stupid to build a city on a swamp; we called it a challenge. Through nearly 300 years of existence, New Orleans has rejected the influence of faster-changing times around the country and instead held fast to our customs, our roots, our soul.

So back to my dilemma. Move to Metairie or no? I'll probably move somewhere on Lake Ave on the Metairie/New Orleans border lol. I don't go out nearly enough to justify living in uptown anymore and I'm tired of getting raped in the ass on monthly expenses haha.

*Fun Fact of the Day* The first Asians to land in America came to New Orleans and they were Filipinos on a Spanish ship.

My Top 5 Rock Songs that No One Knows About (Or Nobody that I Know Anyway)
Why didn't I do a Top 5 about New Orleans? I dunno, stop asking questions.

New Order - Ceremony. Ian Curtis of Joy Division originally wrote and performed this song. However, Ian would have epileptic seizures while on stage, driving him to depression and eventually suicide. After Ian died, Joy Division reformed as New Order and recorded this song in his honor. This is by far my favorite song of all time.
Nirvana - Dumb. We've all heard of Nirvana; no need to explain anything about them and their awesomeness.
TV on the Radio - Wolf Like Me. I think this song is about the animalistic nature of sex. Or something. I don't know, but the song rocks.
Yeah Yeah Yeahs - 10x10. I love the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. In a better world, I live in a house by Audubon Park with my girlfriend Karen O. Neighbors to Drew Brees. Anyways.
Franz Ferdinand - This Boy. I don't think I know anyone that listens to Franz Ferdinand, which is surprising because their song "Take Me Out" was pretty popular. The Killers came out around the same time and they're way more popular, but nowhere near as good. Yeah that needs to change.

The Greatest Night of My Life

2010-01-26T10:58:00.000-06:00

I've had a lot of good days, and I have a pretty good life in general. I can't complain much about my current situation; I have great friends, a loving family, a well-paying job, and I still have my dashing good looks. But one thing about me that has been both a gift and a curse throughout my life is my absolute love for the New Orleans Saints. In years prior, the Saints have been a bunch of cock-teasing tramps. They would flirt with you, leading you on to believe that just maybe this time it'll happen. But they never followed through and left you hanging with blue balls and wanting more. It was rough. I cannot describe enough the excruciating frustration that is to be in love with a team that perennially underachieved. Yet, all of those years of maddening disappointment were vindicated on Sunday, January 24, 2010, a day that I will remember as one of the greatest days of my life.

As I watched Brett Favre and the Minnesota Vikings march down the field, positioning themselves for the game-winning drive, I sat in my seat in the Superdome and put my hands to my face. I couldn't even stand up to cheer on the defense. My hands were shaking, tears were trickling down my face, and all I could do was watch as my ultimate dream was crumbling before me. "It just can't end like this," I told myself. "This season has been too special for it to end like this. It's our destiny to win." While I rocked back and forth in my seat in near-fetal position, my lifeless gaze was fixed on Brett Favre as he scrambled right and threw the ball across his body, right into the hands of Saints defender Tracy Porter.

The Superdome erupted. I jumped on my feet, screaming at the top of my lungs and high-fiving everybody around me. With that interception, the Saints forced overtime and we won the coin toss. "I've waited all my life for this moment. I can wait another ten minutes for one more drive." The Saints didn't make it any less stressful. A great kickoff return, a 4th-and-1 clutch play, and miracle penalties against the Vikings set us up for the game-winning field goal. I could barely watch it. The season, the dreams of the city, came down to this one kick. I hadn't prayed in a long time, but I prayed harder than I ever had in that moment.

When I saw the kick go through, it took me a second to process it. I saw the whole Superdome explode into cheer, but I still couldn't believe it. "Did we just win? Are we going to the Super Bowl?" At that moment, I threw my hands on my head, exhaled a huge gasp of relief, and cried my eyes out. All of the years of frustration and defeat and disappointment had just been washed away in my tears, and without a doubt, it was the happiest moment of my life. I turned to the only other season tickets holders in my area (it's mostly owned by ticket brokers), a young couple who've been to every home game too, and saw that the guy was crying too. I hadn't talked to them all season, but at that moment I shook his hand, looked at them both in the eye, and said, "We're finally here. I see you two every game, and I'll see you again next year."

Waiting for others outside the Superdome, I was restless, chain smoking cigarettes and pacing back and forth with a smile on my face. My brother Michael walked up and I gave him the biggest hug I've ever given him. "We did it, man! You made me a believer back when I was just a kid, and now we're in the Super Bowl." I called up all of my close friends to go out for drinks and share this moment with me but for some reason, on the night of the greatest event in my life and the history of New Orleans, they wanted to stay home. Fortunately, some other friends were up for it and we had a great night. (Thanks again Lan, Le Thu, and Jeff!)

Bourbon Street was packed sidewalk to sidewalk. A sea of Black and Gold chanted "WHO DAT!" all night. We walked into Gold Mine just as the Ying Yang Twins song "Stand Up and Get Crunk" sent the Who Dat Nation into a frenzy. While waiting we waited for a round of Flaming Dr. Peppers, highlights of the game flashed on a projection screen, ending with the game-winning kick. "Oh my God we're in the Super Bowl!" I exclaimed, toasting to the Saints. After a few rounds, Jeff suggested that we stop by Republic. I didn't know what was happening over there, but I wanted to keep partying.

While driving past Republic, I glance at the sidewalk and see a familiar figure. "Oh shit, that's Mike McKenzie!!!" We get inside and make our way upstairs to VIP. A guy stops Jeff to talk to him, and I remark to Lan and Le Thu, "Dudes, why does that guy look oddly familiar?" "Yeah Richard, that's Usama Young." "OH SHIT." At the top of the stairs Jeff stops to talk to another guy, and like a teenage groupie, I shriek, "OMG OMG OMG THAT'S WILL SMITH." Not a minute later, yet another guy stops to talk to Le Thu and it's the one and only Roman Harper aka The Neck. "Why aren't you guys introducing me to these guys?!" I ask them, half-jokingly, half-seriously. As soon as I said that, a tall guy in a fly red leather jacket walks by. "HOLY FUCKIN SHIT, THAT'S ROBERT MEACHEM!" "Why don't you go talk to him, Richard?" "I CAN'T MAN, TOO SCARED." Le Thu pulls me over to Meachem and talks to him for a little bit. While I'm trying to act cool (but failing miserably), she introduces him to me. I quickly try to think of something to say. "Wassup man, I'm Richard. Nice to meet you." "WTF RICH, THAT'S ALL YOU CAN SAY?!!" As we walk away, I give her a big hug and tell her, "By far, the greatest night of my life!"

By this time, it's already 4am and time to go home. Needless to say, I didn't make it to work in the morning. Here's to the New Orleans Saints, the heart of the city. Win or lose on Super Bowl Sunday, I'll be cheering and celebrating a dream season.

My Top 5 Saints Moments (besides the ones above)
Of course, that night will be unforgettable and I wrote this blog entry mostly so that I could look back and relive the night. I'd probably put that night right up there with the night I was born and the night I lost my virginity. But there are other Saints moments that I will cherish forever. There's just so many memories, but I'll list the ones that stand out in my mind right now.

2006 Divisional Playoff game vs Philadelphia: I watched the game with my brother at his house, and when Deuce charged for the first down to seal the win, we raised our fists in triumph. We hugged and he said, "I haven't had a hard drink in a long time, but I'll have one tonight to celebrate with my brother." We poured a shot of Crown Royal for each of us, toasted to the Saints, and tasted sweet victory.
2005 Week 1 at Carolina: Displaced and depressed, I was looking for any semblance of home when I moved to Richmond, VA for a semester after Katrina. My sister took me to a local sports bar/restaurant where all the natives were watching the Redskins. But not me, I watched the Saints play with the heart of the city, winning the game on a last second John Carney field goal. I know I was the only one in that restaurant that gave a shit about the Saints, and it made me feel very alone and miss home. Nonetheless, it was a win that made life a little easier at the time.
2006 Week 3 vs Atlanta: This game was a religious experience. When Steve Gleason blocked that punt, I went fuckin crazy. At halftime, I stepped out for a smoke and I just couldn't believe what was happening. The Saints were back, the Dome was back, they got mother fuckin Bono and Green Day to sing for us. Any true Saints fan hates the shit out of the Atlanta Falcons, and beating them the way we did at the Dome reopening was unforgettable.
2002 Week 13 vs Tampa Bay: I had always been a Saints fan, but this was the year that propelled me from casual fan into the land of the die-hards. This was the year that I began to obsess daily about the Saints, trying to find anything about the Saints on the major sports websites. This game was the pinnacle of the season, when we could legitimately claim to be the best team in the NFL at the time. We were a top-10 team and the Bucs were considered in the top 3. Joe Horn's sweet double-move on Bucs cornerback Brian Kelly for the winning touchdown was, and still is, one of the most beautiful plays I had ever seen.
2009 Week 7 at Miami: I've never experienced the full spectrum of emotions in one game until this one. I had friends over at my place to watch the game, most notably some from Switzerland who had never seen a Saints game before. I think I scared everybody when they saw me cursing the shit out of the entire offensive line and Reggie Bush, and then they joined me in the cheering as the Saints overcame a 21 point deficit to win by double-digits. After the game, it was the first time I could seriously say that this team could overcome any obstacle and be a champion.

Nostalgic Affairs

2009-12-17T10:58:00.000-06:00

"And if a double decker bus crashes into us,
To die by your side! Such a heavenly way to die."
- The Smiths

I've been on a romance binge lately. A couple weeks ago, I saw Twilight and then last week I saw New Moon. Both are pretty bad movies but it got me in the mood to watch some other romance-oriented movies. A few days ago I watched (500) Days of Summer and also Adventureland, and I've got to say, I am completely smitten by these two movies. If you haven't watched these two movies, I suggest you do so before reading further.

What I love about (500) Days of Summer is that I think everyone has found themselves in Tom's or Summer's situation. It's easily relatable but also personal in how you interpret it. As I watched the movie, I couldn't help but relate my life to Tom's. He works an unsatisfying job when he's clearly adept at his true vocation. He falls for the girl after she flashes her first smile at him. He secretly pines for her, waiting for the right moment to seize the opportunity, but he doesn't have the confidence to make a move on his own because his infatuation paralyzes him. I've been guilty of all this, plus more. Dance around and sing after a successful first date? Check. Sink into tearful depression after my fanciful expectations are trumped by cold reality? Check. Renew myself after romantic defeat? Check.

The movie got me thinking about my past relationships, how they went, were they good or bad, and what happened after. It made me nostalgic for the feelings at the very beginning of a relationship, the perfect high you get when you find out that she likes you, she knows that you like her and all is perfect in the world. There's no games or charades, only two people acting out their feelings. Like the time when you cross the street together, you reach for her hand because you want any excuse to touch her. Or the time when her forehead leans against yours after your passionate first kiss. Or the first night you both decide to stay home and cook dinner together.

But it also reminded me of the bad times, the ugliness of breakups. The faux-calm expression on her face when you tell her that it's not working. The anguish inside when you're on the other end. The sleepless nights, the tear-soaked sleeve, the taunting phone. Is it me? Is it her? Replaying the events in your mind that ended things the way it did. The unbearable pain when you see her again and she's with someone else. The road to recovery, your friends being there for you.

Friends always say to me "Richard, stay single. My girl is fuckin crazy and so are all girls. Must be nice to have freedom," and to that I say nein. I'd rather be in a relationship than not, but then again, everybody wants what they don't have. The taken people want out (or so they say), the single people want in. Anyway, I don't know what's the point of this post. I just wanted to write something because that movie was really, really good and I've watched it about 5 times since Monday.

My Top 5 Ex's
I debated about writing this. I mean, it's pretty dangerous to write stuff about people on the interwebz. Plus, I didn't want to jock John Cusack in High Fidelity. But I figured nobody reads this shit anyway and I'll leave out their names. If you know me well enough, then you'll probably figure out who I'm talking about.

Our relationship was very erratic at first. We were dating for a few months, but we never made it serious. I was dumb, trying to play a game and act like I didn't need you when I really did. When another guy tried to take you, I asked you to come with me and we sat on a park bench. I told you how much I liked you and how I didn't want to lose you. You immediately held onto me, crying on my shoulder. We sat like that for hours. Unfortunately, down the road I lost focus and neglected you, and you left. But you were still a good girlfriend and taught me a lot.
Favorite memory: After you broke up with me, we didn't talk for a month. For some reason, you asked me to get some coffee and surprisingly I agreed even though I was still heartbroken. We sat in the coffee shop, talking for hours and just enjoying each other's company. Some of the deepest conversations I've ever had with someone have been with you and I'm glad we're still friends today.
We worked together and I was always attracted to you, but you had your own thing going on and I was dating other girls. Then, on your birthday night, we all went out and got pretty drunk. I had just stopped talking to a girl, you just broke up with your ex, the moon and stars aligned, and we were inseparable that night. Once again, I fucked up this relationship but you made me happier than I ever told you.
Favorite memory: We had just gotten off from work and we brought home sushi to my apartment. We ate in the living room while friends were playing video games, and we sat on the couch flirting and feeding each other. Pleasant night overall.

When we first made eye contact, I knew something was up. You were sitting on a chair when I walked in the room and I had to do a double-take. We exchanged numbers and started dating. I kept it pretty nonchalant until we went out for your friend's birthday. That's when we were in a lounge, you got drunk and straddled my lap, and straight up asked me what's going on. You were kinda nutty in a cute way but you put too much pressure on me when you kept calling me "the one". Also, your inexplicable devotion for Josh Hartnett made me jealous.
Favorite memory: My phone kept ringing and interrupting. I threw it across the room and it still kept ringing.

We had known each other for awhile, and while I knew there was an attraction, I didn't ask you out until a year after I met you. From the first date on, we were pretty good together. I never complained about anything, and then you confronted me about what we are. After that, shit got messy and you stormed out of my apartment. I hate having to put a label on relationships; why couldn't you just go with the flow? Why rock the boat? Well I totally mishandled the situation that night and went out and met another girl. Now that I think about it, I guess that's why you wanted a label. Wish we talked again.
Favorite memory: On our first date, we went to the aquarium, exchanging flirtatious glances during the walk. We ate sushi after (guiltily, as you pointed out) and then went back to your place and watched movies. I left your house at 5am and I'd say that was the most perfect first date I've ever had.

We weren't ever serious; I don't even think I could classify you as an ex. I mean, we mostly talked on the phone and we kinda messed around only once. But we talked a lot, effortlessly and easily, and you always had a way to make me laugh. At the time I was completely busy with school and LASO and I really had no time for a relationship, but sometimes I wonder what could have happened. Even though our relationship was a victim of bad timing, I like to think it would have been better than all of the others that I haven't listed here.
Favorite memory: The first time I called you a silly goose, you laughed and called me lazy bear.

Selective Tastes

2009-08-05T15:53:00.000-05:00

I'm a man of selective tastes. Some would say that I'm downright picky. Is that such a bad thing? Being picky? I can't help it if I know what I like and want. But being picky has this kind of effect on me where I think I know the truths to tastes. Don't get me wrong; I'm always down to try new things. But when it comes to areas of taste that I am particularly adamant about, there's no budging me. And when someone disagrees with these niche beliefs of mine, I get kinda annoyed lol.

Food
This is probably the area that I'm most lenient. I always like to try new food, especially when I go out of town. I think food is the best way to learn about a culture and also just to expand your tastes in general. When I try new stuff and like it, I always make a point to tell friends and family about it, and hopefully they return the favor when it happens to them. But when I offer a new taste to someone and they immediately decline it, I get pretty annoyed.

For example, at work I ordered some pho to-go and brought it back to the office. First thing you gotta know, the people I work with are very close-minded. They stick to their guns of fried or boiled seafood, red meat, and whatever is in the cafeteria. So when they saw me devouring my bowl of pho, they had no idea what I was eating and I offered them to try it. All of them declined cuz they thought it looked too weird, but one finally did try it. It was a tiny sip of the broth, and she immediately didn't like it (she said it tasted like dish-washing detergent. First of all, wtf are you doing drinking detergent, and two, you had only a mouse's sip of the broth).

A second example that annoys me is when people are immediately disgusted by raw food. I get it if you don't like raw food; that's your taste so do what you do. I just think you're wrong lol. I'm not just talking about sushi; I can see how that can disgust or dismay your average sheltered American (I think those same people are closing themselves off from a whole array of tastes you can't reproduce elsewhere). What bothers me most is when someone doesn't cook a beautiful steak the way it's supposed to be cooked: Medium Rare. Rare is cool with me too, but Medium and above has got to go. When you cook a steak past mid-rare, it just loses all those delicious juices and what not that make the steak taste good. I'm absolutely disgusted when someone orders their steak Well Done; it's a complete waste of money and you might as well just buy your own T-Bone and leave it on the pan for 20 minutes because it'll taste exactly the same.

Music
I'm open to hearing different types of music too, but not the music today. Well let me expand on that. The bullshit I hear on the radio completely disgusts me ("Do the Ricky Bobby" - WTF IS THAT) and it's a goddamn shame that it's the only music that most of America know. I'm not an ultra-indie music hipster or anything, but I know that there's just so much more out there than the music that the corporate suits feed us through the radio and MTV. When I say anything on the pop radios suck today, I really do mean it. Rap is just fuckin terrible now, talking about doing dumb dances all the time. Rock has devolved into preppy, whiny bitches that hope to take your girlfriend out to the prom but can't cuz they're too shy so they accept their place and cry about it. Even the pop acts suck compared to before. 2009 Usher sucks compared to 2002 Usher. Music has no soul now.

Thank the Lord that IRC servers, AOL servers, and then finally Napster opened the flood gates for all this great, unknown music to reach our ears. Perfect example for me: Back in 2004, I heard Franz Ferdinand play on Conan one night, so I d/led their album. I liked their music so much that I looked for similar artists. Then came Bloc Party, The Killers, Interpol, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Kaiser Chiefs, Arcade Fire, blah blah the list goes on. I still listen to these artists (well not Bloc Party and The Killers, they mostly sucked after their first albums), and many more similar genre rock bands, all stemming from that one show on Conan. What I'm trying to say is, be open to music; don't let a Suit dictate what you should listen to. Music is wide open to everybody now and there are far better artists than Lil' Rapist or whatever pawn is on the radio.

Movies
This is where I'm most picky. I absolutely will not watch a movie that I know is garbage. Saw 13? Fuck that. Scary Movie 8? F that in the A. The Notebook of 30 Dresses in Prada? A that in the F. The movies I cherish most are the ones that give me a better understanding of life. Doesn't have to be epiphany-inducing, but if it helps me understand the human condition just a little bit more, then it was worth my 2 hours and probably repeated viewings.

My favorite movie: Lost in Translation. Two people, alone and isolated in a foreign land, find each other, explore a surreal metropolis, and in the end find themselves. Fuckin beautiful, totally worth my time.
One movie I hate: Semi-Pro. Will Ferrell plays a dufus asshole, this time as a basketball player; what else is new.

Another movie I like: Sideways. Miles, a divorced teacher and failing author, takes his best friend Jack on a tour of wine country before Jack gets married. During their journey, their friendship is tested, a hint of romance sparks Miles' life, and past demons are confronted, all while getting trashed on the finest Reds that California has to offer. How could you not be even remotely interested in this movie?
A movie I hate: Saw. Uh oh, a maniac is trying to get people to change their lives so he straps them to crazy death machines and what not, killing most in the process. Hmmm... maniac... sense of moral superiority... oddly ironic deaths... twist ending... oh yeah I saw this movie before, but it was actually good. It was called Se7en.

I mean, I also like blockbuster films. I generally like superhero movies, raunchy comedies and all that. But there's a fine line of quality between Scary Movie and Superbad, Jumper and The Dark Knight. I'd never cross that line into the former's territory because I would feel disappointed in myself for wasting time on such garbage.

My Top 5 Favorite Bands

311: If MTV did anything good for me, it would be introducing me to this band. I first heard them on their video for "Down". They sounded so bad ass, mixing rap and reggae with bad ass guitar. They're one of the few bands that can change their style of music and still sound like their own. In all, I've been to eight 311 concerts.
Favorite song: 8:16am. There's just so many good ones, but this is the best song on their best album "Grassroots".
Interpol: Simple, angular guitar with steady drums and one of the best vocalists in rock. Admittedly, they're not for everyone. Their music might sound a lil too weird for some people, but just take the time to listen to them, and I think you'll like them.
Favorite song: Stella Was a Diver and She Was Always Down. Yes, that's the full title of the song. It's about a chick who commits suicide. Yes, it's a little perverse but its perversely awesome.
Yeah Yeah Yeahs: Karen O, how I love thee! A completely confident performer, her voice goes from soft and sweet to utterly orgasmic in any song, and it's full of win. I'd totally bang this chick. She's not all that good looking, but I would definitely bang her. The music is pretty good too. Nick Zinner is the best guitarist I've ever heard.
Favorite song: Rich. I like to think this song is about me. I really can't say that I like this song the most cuz they're all so good, but it's the song that turned me on to them. Black Tongue, Y Control, The Sweets are all really good songs too.
Arcade Fire: At first, I wasn't that into them. They came off as overly emotional to me. Then Katrina hit and I became overly emotional. So I started listening to them and I felt their music. After four deaths in the band's family occurred in one year, they took their love of the departed and recorded "Funeral". It's just fuckin beautiful. Their pain, their joy, and cherished memories all laced in orchestra rock.
Favorite song: Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels). The opening piano and violin, joined by their triumphant guitar and then their pained vocalist just gives me goosebumps. I probably sound like a total fag after talking about this band.
Bloc Party (before they sucked): I had trouble thinking of a 5th. There's many bands I like, but no clear-cut #5. If Bloc Party had stopped making music after their album "Silent Alarm", they'd be #2. But "Silent Alarm" alone (and also EP songs before) merits them a spot on this list. That album is probably my favorite album of all time. Thank God I was able to go to their concert before they turned to crap.
Favorite song: Banquet. This is their most popular song, and deservedly so. It's just so goddamn catchy.

Paying Tribute to the King

2009-06-26T10:52:00.000-05:00

When I learned that Michael Jackson had died, I was shocked but didn't think much of it. I watched the news for a little bit, silently observing his close friends' and family's reactions. After that, I went about my night as usual. I went to a bar that night and as tribute, they played only Michael Jackson songs. As I sat there with my friend, drinking and talking, I realized that I was tapping my foot to the beat of his music and that's when it hit me. He really is dead. Michael Jackson is dead and there will never be an entertainer like him again.

All day at work, I've been reading and watching anything about Michael Jackson, and the more I learn about him, the more human yet amazing he becomes to me: his sudden rise to godly status, his mental quirks leading to dissection by the media (and us), and the tragic fall from grace that anyone would succumb to under those circumstances. That's the key thing I'm learning about Michael; that man was a human just like you or me. Thriller came out on November 30, 1982. Michael was 24 and I was a year away from birth. I'm 25 now and I don't like it when people talk shit about me, and that happens maybe once in a long while. I can't imagine what it was like when the entire global media is talking shit about you around the clock. Some people's sole purpose in life was to talk shit about Michael. I tell you what, I'd go fuckin crazy if that happened to me.

That's why I try not to look at the broken and disfigured person Michael died as. I look at his music videos from the '80s and I see a king immortalized, a young man at the top of his game, pouring his soul through his song, channeling his passion for dance through his jerky yet ever so smooth moves, and taking the world with him. Watch the video for "Beat It" and tell me you can't vibe with him. I know every single person in modern civilization has been affected by Michael, be it head-nodding to "Billie Jean" or an entire prison complex in the Philippines making an extravagant rendition of the "Thriller" video". I can tell you how he affected me.

My Top 5 Michael Jackson Memories

I remember one time when me and my sister were little kids, we were watching MTV and the "Thriller" video came on. The video scared the shit out of us so we hid under the bed covers but at the same time, we were trying to pull the covers from each other so the other would have to face the fear.
I was maybe 6 years old when I heard "Bad" for the first time. I was in my dad's van with the whole family and I start singing and dancing to the song. After that, my mom would ask me, "Who's bad, Richard?" and then I'd make my best 6-year-old Michael Jackson impression.
In 2nd grade, I loved his song "Do You Remember the Time". The morning commute to school was terrible and boring because my mom always listened to the Oldies station. So, I memorized the song and I'd play it on repeat in my head, making the daily trip bearable.
Sophomore year of college, LASO needed a skit for the Date Auction. We wanted to do something crazy, something that had never been done before, and that's when we decided to incorporate video in the skit. The Date Auction was on Halloween, so there was no better video to emulate than "Thriller". We had, hands down, the best skit of the whole show and set a precedent for all skits to follow.
At a bar with a group of my closest friends, we were playing a game where if you lost, you had to do a dare. I lost and my dare was to do my best Michael Jackson impression. So I got in the middle of the bar, surrounded by strangers, and did my best moonwalking/crotch-grab/"YEE-HEE", having fun during it all.

Rest in Peace, Michael.

Bland

2009-06-03T00:06:00.000-05:00

I've been employed full-time in an office job for 5 months now. From 8am to 5pm, I sit in front of a computer in my cubicle. I'd say probably 4 of those hours are spent looking up random stuff on the internet. 1 hour is for lunch. 30 minutes spread over the course of the day are for smoking cigarettes. The rest of the time is spent in meetings, dozing off in said meetings, and doing actual work intermittently.

Each day I spend in that cubicle, I become less and less interesting. I used to have a lot to talk about when I was living the college life, surviving week by week as a waiter, wasting vital money at bars every night with friends, and having a blast during it all. Now that I've got a real job and I don't have to worry about money as much, I find that it's all that I've got in my personal life now: a job and the things I can buy because of it. This is turning into a "money doesn't buy happiness" kinda thing but it's not really the point of this post. I told a friend of mine that I realized I'm becoming boring. She said that it's not necessarily a bad thing, but that it could mean that I don't have any problems.

Is not having problems really a good thing? That sounds like a pretty fuckin stupid question but let me explain. People talk to me all of the time about their problems. I don't know what it is about me, but when friends need advice or gotta get something personal off their chest, I'm the go-to guy. Of course, I listen and give my honest opinion because I care deeply about my friends. If I can help in any way, I will because I know they would do the same. Yet when a friend comes to me with a personal problem, I get a little envious because I don't have any problems and it worries me. To me having problems means that you're alive, that you're actively participating in life, and when you struggle your way through this problem, you've grown as a person. And I guess that's the whole point of this post. I need some kind of adversity or challenge in my life so I can feel alive. I've become too complacent at this cozy office job and I need to stimulate my emotions somehow.

Maybe I just need a girlfriend lol

Last post, I had fun making those lists so I'm gonna make a list every time I make a new entry.
Top 5 Older Actresses I'd Totally Bang:

Marisa Tomei: Have you guys seen The Wrestler? Incredible movie full of raw emotions. Mickey Rourke should've got an Oscar for his performance. But it's not the best part of the movie. Marisa Tomei stripping naked was the best part.

Cate Blanchett: She has been a vision of beauty to me since she invited Frodo and his merry band of adventurers to her forest kingdom in The Lord of the Rings. Speaking of Frodo, I have a funny story about him, me, and some weed but that's for another time.

Tina Fey: She's so fuckin cute. She's funny as hell, loves star wars, and can be damn pretty when she has to. Richard likes.

Diane Lane: Unfaithful. End of story

Tilda Swinton: I've had a thing for her ever since I saw her in Broken Flowers. She was wearing like a loose button-up long sleeve and had dyed-black hair. It looked pretty hot. She looked pretty nasty at the Academy Awards when she won an oscar but I just go back to the image in Broken Flowers and I'm good.

LISTS

2009-04-29T08:51:00.000-05:00

I love lists. Everybody loves lists. It's the easiest article to read in a magazine. When a dude runs out of shit to write about in a men's magazine, all he's gotta do is be like, "fuck it, i'm gonna make a list. i'll make... 'the top 10 types of assholes on a subway'" or something ridiculous like that. And of course, everybody is gonna read it because lists are short, focused, and generally don't require a lot of brain power to understand. I mean, look at that list "25 Things About Me"; it was spreading like swine flu on facebook. So, I feel compelled to write a list of my own. Here's my list of my top 3 not-doing-shit-so-might-as-well-do-this lists:

THE ULTIMATE LIST OF LISTS

The Top 5 Television Shows Currently on Air
1. LOST: The best drama/sci-fi show on television. When I meet people that don't watch Lost and I tell them it's the best show on tv, the first question they ask is "They still haven't gotten off the island?" No nigga, they haven't. It's not about getting off the island, it's about solving the island.
  Best Episode: There's so many, but I'd have to pick Walkabout. After watching that episode, you realize that this show is special.
2. South Park: I hate when people knock on South Park. Those same people probably haven't watch an episode since its first season when it was crude and ridiculous. Well, it's still fuckin crude and ridiculous but the humor is more satirical. The exploits that creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker imagine are so crazy that it's nothing like you've ever seen on tv. Family Guy's got nothing on this show.
  Best Episode: Scott Tenorman Must Die. I can't explain it, just watch it.
3. Mad Men: I won't list the numerous Emmys and Golden Globes that this show has won. After all, that would be kinda ridiculous in this already ULTIMATE LIST. But I will tell you that if you find human nature intriguing and how it would adapt to a high-powered business environment, then this show is for you.
  Best Episode:The New Girl. It's in the middle of season 2, so don't watch it till you've gotten to that point. But it perfectly illustrates the type of will needed to succeed.
4. The Office: I work in an office. I'm on my grind from 8 to 4:30. And everday that I drag myself into that cubicle, I hope and I pray that it would be the day that something fuckin crazy happens like what I see on The Office.
  Best Episode: Casino Night. The season 2 finale has it all - humor, office romance, cliffhangers. Watch this and make your life better.
5. Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations: The travel channel kinda sucks. It really does. So does any other channel dedicated to some kind of activity, like the food network, the channel for being stupid called MTV, and the home & gardening channel. But this show is the travel channel's saving grace. This guy has the ultimate job; he travels around the world, eating awesome food, drinks and smokes a ton, and gets paid millions for it. I'll never be able to do that but this show is the closest I'll get to it.
  Best Episode: The Spain episode or the Tokyo Episode. Just do yourself a favor and watch both.

The Top 5 Websites I Visit Daily Not Called Facebook
1. icanhascheezburger.com: I love cats. I've had cats my whole life. This site takes my love of cats and makes funny phrases out of it. Brings a smile to my face everday.
2. wired.com: The latest news in technology and science. They report discoveries and developments that shape our immediate and long-term future. More people should visit this site.
3. joystiq.com: It's no secret that I love video games. When I was in high school, my career goal was to work in the video games industry. Stupid me didn't research it enough and I went to college for computer science with no real concentration on game design. So here I am, an accountant and IT security administrator. I wish I could travel back in time and tell young, physically-fit richard these things lol.
4. saintsreport.com: Some people say my love for the Saints is an obsession, borderline unhealthy. Is it wrong to love too much? If it is, then I don't wanna be right.
5. failblog.com: From the same people who make icanhascheezburger.com, this site is good for a laugh everyday too. It's amazing how stupid some people can be.

The Top 5 Bars in New Orleans That Get Me Trashed For Cheap
1. St. Joe's: When I lived uptown, somehow this bar became our nightly watering hole. Hardly anybody (well any asians at least) know about this place, and I'd like to keep it that way for reasons I'll share later. The bartenders/bouncers are cool as shit, drinks are cheap, and it's a very chillin place.
2. Bridge Lounge: I think this bar is one of the better places to take lady friends. The lighting is very low-key and they make pretty good fruity mojitos. Of course, I never tried one cuz I'm a G but I know the ladies love them. Lately, the asian crowd has been infesting this place and I'm afraid it won't be as cool anymore, like Monkey Hill.
3. Monkey Hill: This place is the original uptown hangout spot. Stephanie and I started coming here maybe two-three times a week after the storm. I kinda lost interest in it when more and more asian people started showing up here, but it's always been a good social place. So why don't I like it when asians start showing up? I'm not sure exactly. I know I probably have some part in them making their way to these bars, either through word of mouth or whatever. I guess it's like I see these people out at the clubs and other kinda tense environments, and at these bars I just wanna chill.
4. Philip's Bar: One word to describe this place: talent. It's freaking everywhere, every night. There's always at least 3 hot chicks, even on dead nights. I say 3 because the bartenders are usually pretty hot too. Has a good upscale lounge vibe yet very cheap drinks.
5. Dos Jefes: I haven't been here in a minute but I still like it. It's not as cheap as the other bars or have the amount of talent. Honestly I'm not sure why we started going here. It's expensive as shit and there's no girls whatsoever. Yeah fuck this place lol

Well, that's it. I'm not sure why I wrote this out because the only people who are gonna read this already know most of this shit about me. As the football player would say, "It is what it is."

2009-04-22T17:36:00.000-05:00

My vision for a New Orleans Saints movie

With the NFL draft just days away and the season opener a few months from now, I've been having Saints withdrawals; so, I started dreaming of a Saints movie. It would follow the Saints through the magical 2006 season when we made it to the NFC Championship. Here's the breakdown:

Brad Pitt as Coach Sean Payton

Christian Bale as Drew Brees

Derek Luke as Reggie Bush

Lawrence Fishburne as Deuce McAllister

Tim Robbins as GM Mickey Loomis

Brian Cox as Saints owner Tom Benson

Naomi Watts as Beth Payton

Charlize Theron as Brittney Brees

Anthony Anderson as wisecrackin' Hollis Thomas

Produced and Directed by Paul Greengrass

ACT 1: GUTTING THE HOUSE
The movie opens with a montage of Hurricane Katrina and eventually leads to the Saints road game win vs. Carolina in the season opener. This leads to the NFL's telethon during the Saint's Monday night game vs. the Giants, a game we lost completely and started the tone for the season. Jim Haslett resigns, Aaron Brooks is benched, and the Saints finish the season 3-13 with the 2nd pick in the draft. In a press conference, Tom Benson and Mickey Loomis introduce the new head coach of the Saints, Sean Payton, who promises to build a winning football team. The montage cuts to Payton and Loomis, at night time in a conference room, studying over a team depth chart and a draft board hung on the wall. Payton looks at Loomis and says, "We've got a lot of work to do."

Payton's at the office, watching highlights of Reggie Bush, wishing he could draft him but knows the Texans will take him. He gets a call to leave for a flight to San Diego to meet with a free agent prospect, Drew Brees. (I'd include the story of how we got Drew, but I can't remember how it goes exactly. I just know that Payton thought we'd lost him after making some silly mistakes, but Drew decided to come here to make a difference.)

Feeling good about the roster changes and signing Brees, Payton is eating dinner with his wife at a restaurant when he gets a phone call. He listens to the caller and his eyes widen, then soon hangs up. He immediately grabs a pen and some napkins and starts formulating plays. His wife asks, "Sean, who was that and what happened?" Payton replies, "Honey, that was Loomis. He said Houston drafted Mario Williams. Reggie Bush is gonna be a Saint now."

ACT 2: CLEANING UP THE MESS
It's summer in Jackson, MS. The sun beats down on Payton, whose sweat is clearly visible through his shirt and even his Saints visor. Yet, he appears completely unaffected by the heat as he trains his eye on Brees and the first team offense. Brees looks right and then looks left, throwing a deep bomb to a rookie who just substitued Donte Stallworth in the lineup. Practice breaks for lunch and the rookie jogs back as the offense congratulates him. A big man is the first to congratulate him. "That was a good play, rookie. What's your name?" "Marques. Marques Colston." "Good to have you on the team. My name is Dulymus but don't ever call me that. Call me Deuce." (Here's where I'd put in a montage of training camp stuff you normally see in football movies. Hitting the pads, one-on-one tackle drills, etc. Also, I'm not totally sure Drew participated much in camp because of the surgery. Same with Reggie; I think he was on a contract holdout until towards the end of training camp but I'm not sure either.)

(This is getting kinda long so I'll cut to the specific scenes I have in my head lol)

After winning their first two games, fans all around New Orleans flock to stores to get Saints gear. People take off of work early to tailgate. Children are picked up from school wearing their favorite Saints jersey. The Saints fever culminates to Super Bowl-type atmosphere for the reopening of the Superdome on Monday Night Football vs. the Falcons. This scene would include the U2/Green Day concert, complete ownage of the Falcons, and of course the Steve Gleason blocked punt. Payton, Drew, and Reggie all run up and down the sideline stands, giving high-fives to the fans. The TV announcer is heard saying "This team is the real deal."

ACT 3: WEATHERING THE STORM
We would see the Saints lose to Carolina and then get blown out by Baltimore. The losses eventually lead to a heartbreaking loss vs. Pittsburgh. Drew tries his best to march us down field but a dropped ball by Terrence Copper seals the win for Pittsburgh, and the team is completely dejected. The next week, the team plays with no emotion, getting blown out by Cincinatti by hot shot receiver Chad Johnson. At 6 and 4, the team is losing faith in themselves.

Payton, Brees, Bush, and Deuce go to a busy Emeril's for dinner. As they discuss the week's game vs. Atlanta, they start hearing a slow clap that eventually grows to a raucus crowd. The entire restaurant is on their feet, cheering the players on. They look around with amazement and regain their drive to win. Payton and Brees exchange stern looks, their eyes communicating their determination. (I know this happened one time during the season and I'm not sure when exactly, but it fit with the theme of the act lol)

Quick scenes of the blow out win vs. Atlanta and Reggie's 4 touchdown game vs. San Francisco game leads to the Sunday night game vs. a now red-hot Dallas team. All the analysts are picking Dallas to win. Things don't look good when Julius Jones busts a long TD run, but Drew rallies the offense in the huddle. We procede to demolish Dallas, with highlights of FB Karney taking in 3 touchdowns and Reggie's amazing screen-pass TD. Zoom in on Tony Romo's dejected face and Parcells' frustration.

ACT 4: PROTECTING THE HOUSE
The Saints have now clinched the division and 2nd seed. Each key player is seen watching the playoff games during their bye weekend. The wild-card weekend ends and the Saints turn their attention to a very confident Eagles team. Payton and Brees strategize for the game. Everybody is extra attentive during film sessions. Focus and determination. The scene for the game would include all of the ups and downs of the game, especially Deuce carrying the whole Philly defense into the end zone. The game ends with the Saints in victory formation and New Orleans is going crazy.

Cut to the NFC Championship game. Payton has just yelled at Reggie for taunting Urlacher on his TD catch-and-run and the game unfolds from there. Insert depressing music here as the team is blown out and Drew leaves the field very disappointed in himself. The team goes through the motions of taking off their pads, packing in their hotel, and boarding the plane. The sense of frustration and regret is seen all over their faces. The plane lands, and Payton and Drew ride down the escalator to the baggage claim, where they see thousands of fans cheering them on, chanting "WHO DAT". High-fives all around. Payton and Brees exchange looks again, but this time communicating their understanding of victory. Roll Credits.